Managing Negative Emotions by Jade Caswell, MA

Many clients come to us seeking assistance in coping with negative emotions. Learning

how to cope with our emotions can improve life quality and foster heathy relationships. While

there are numerous techniques to soothe emotional distress, I often start with teaching clients

how to 'sit with their emotions'. For those not familiar with this phrase, this may seem

confusing or vague. Or you may ask- how do I do this? In simple terms, 'sitting with our

emotions'; means to accept our emotions, without pushing them away or judging ourselves for

them. It involves taking a mindful stance towards emotions, and allowing them to have a brief

moment of existence within ourselves, and then gradually subside. If we attempt to suppress

our emotions, or avoid them altogether, we do ourselves a disservice and place ourselves

further away from our goal of emotional regulation. Below, I provide a practical, 'how to'; guide

for learning to 'sit with our emotions':

1. Name and identify our emotions

Oftentimes, we may feel confused with what exactly we are feeling, however, identifying what

we are feeling and putting a name to our feelings often helps clarify what we are experiencing

and may help reduce the intensity of a negative emotions. If needed, a feelings wheel can be

great tool for practicing emotion identification.

2. Noticing physical sensations

The mind and body are intricately connected; as such, it is important to become fully aware of

how our emotions may be manifesting in our physical bodies. If we are having trouble

identifying an emotion, often, our body will provide clues. For instance, if we are stressed or

anxious, we may experience muscle tension or become clammy.

3. Adopt a curious stance towards our emotions

The next step involves asking ourselves where the emotion may be coming from, using a

curious and non-critical perspective. I like to encourage clients to be 'emotion detectives'; and

strive to find their personal triggers for emotional distress. Knowing what is causing an emotion

to come up is the first step towards identifying proactive ways at managing them or avoiding

triggers altogether.

4. Practice self-validation

Sometimes, negative emotion can leave us feeling defeated or leave us questioning our self-

worth. Therefore, it is crucial to maintain an objective stance towards our emotions, instead of

becoming fused with them or allowing them to define our sense of self. If you find yourself

become critical of your emotions try using these phrases instead, 'I'm allowed to feel this way';

or 'My feelings matter and I will listen to what they’re telling me'.

Regulating emotions can seem like a difficult task; these are just a few steps to get you started.

We are here to help-- For more support, please reach out to our office to schedule a session

with one of our therapists today. We would be happy to hear from you!

By Jade Caswell, MA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Improving Self-Confidence

By Jade Caswell, MA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Oftentimes, as therapists, we are asked by clients: "how do I boost my confidence?";

Unfortunately, there is not "one size fits all approach"; and it may be a lifelong process that

requires a sizable investment in the self to see results. Issues with self-esteem can be the result

of a variety of factors, including childhood trauma, weathering stress/ difficult times, or negative

messages we are given from others, and are quite common. The benefits of investing in one's

self, however, can truly transform one's relationship with self and others. Below are a few simple

tips to send you on a path of rediscovering yourself and improving self-esteem. See what works

for you!

1. Recognizing strengths

Oftentimes, we choose to dwell on negative aspects of ourselves and have accompanying critical

self-talk. We can break out of this cycle by choosing to be kinder to ourselves, challenging

critical thoughts and taking inventory of our strengths. It can also be helpful to record how we

use these strengths in our everyday lives.

2. Building a social circle

Humans are naturally social creatures, and it is important to spend time socially with individuals

who are uplifting. This may mean taking a good look at the people you spend the most time with

and evaluating whether they help lift you up or drain you.

3. Learning to set boundaries and say no

Did you ever go along with something even though it went against your values? This can often

put us in an uncomfortable situation and decrease our sense of self worth. Living according to

our values and setting boundaries when appropriate can help improve our view of ourselves and

help us construct a life worth living.

4. Engage in hobbies / new activities

Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone and expanding our skill set can boost self efficacy and

improve our sense of self. Once we have mastered a craft, we oftentimes have a newfound

appreciation of ourselves and our skills. It can also be fulfilling to share our skills/ talents with

others.

5. Prioritizing mental and physical wellbeing

Taking care of our physical and mental needs is crucial in showing ourselves compassion and

improving how we see ourselves. This might mean booking that doctor's appointment you've

been putting off, signing up for a new exercise class, or scheduling a therapy session. Please feel

free to call our office to see how we can help with issues related to self-esteem. Take time to

invest in yourself today!

Core Beliefs

by Jade Caswell, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Have you ever found yourself trapped in destructive behavior patterns or unable to get

what you really want out of life? Negative core beliefs may be getting in the way. By definition,

core beliefs are deeply held assumptions that guide our behavior, how we see ourselves and

perceive the world. For instance, if we hold the core belief that we are boring and unattractive,

we may never have the confidence to try to meet new people or progress in our career.

Because core beliefs shape how we see ourselves and the world, we may ignore any evidence

that is contrary to them, and only accept information that sustains these negative core beliefs.

Core beliefs are often formed early in life, and develop in response to a person's experiences.

For example, if an individual's childhood caregivers did not attend to their needs, they may

form the belief that they are 'unlovable'; or that the world is a 'dangerous place'; Carrying these

beliefs may inform future life choices. Core beliefs may additionally contribute to negative

automatic thoughts, or thoughts that pop into our heads in response to a trigger. If we hold

negative core beliefs, chances are our automatic thoughts will also be negative. Core beliefs

may sound fixed and unchangeable, but the good news is that we can change these negative

core beliefs using principles of cognitive behavioral therapy.

The first step to changing negative core beliefs, is first identifying them. This may look

like identify patterns of thinking, or fixed patterns of thinking about yourself, others or the

world. Look for absolute, rigid or; black and white thinking. Once you identify your negative

core beliefs, it may be helpful to look at areas of your life where these beliefs may be limiting

you, or holding you back from achieving your goals. It can also be beneficial to look at past

successes, or evidence you have against these negative core beliefs. As mentioned previously,

core beliefs tend to cause us to filter out any information that doesn't support them. We can

take back control by looking at positives or successes we may have had that directly challenge

our negative core beliefs. Additionally, using personal affirmations that are directly opposed to

our negative core beliefs can be helpful in changing them. For instance, if we hold the negative

core belief that we are 'worthless'; we may practice an affirmation such, "I am enough as I am";

These are just a few ways that negative core beliefs may be challenged. Participating in

psychotherapy can also be beneficial, as your therapist can help you explore, uncover, and

further challenging these negative core beliefs that keep us stuck. Call our office today to set up an

appointment!